Of all the movie trailer moments of the summer, one of the most jaw-dropping is the
Final Destination 5 LASIK scene. Of course, anyone familiar with the
Final Destination series would expect no less than these exaggerated scenes to play on common
fears, but it may have topped itself with this little piece segment. The
very premise of death by LASIK is simply not possible.
To enlighten those not familiar with this series of films, we should explain that the
Final Destination movies follow the same basic plot. A group of teenagers somehow survives
a tragedy, like a plane crash or, in this case, a bridge collapse. Angry
at their escape, death pursues them like a vigilante, picking them off
one by one.
In the LASIK scene, a young and beautiful girl, holding a teddy bear—ostensibly
for extra sentimental impact—is lying on the chair as a doctor props
her eye open and tells her she will have perfect vision after the procedure.
He then says something about an incomplete file and leaves the room. Predictably,
the LASIK machine then turns itself on and kills the girl with lasers.
The “predictably” in that last statement was ironic, because
what is predictable in horror movies and what goes on in real life are
very different things. In fact, there is absolutely nothing predictable
about a murderous LASIK machine! (That’s why you have to watch those
things, because they are so unpredictable!)We joke, of course, because
the staff at Key-Whitman guarantees that the LASIK machine will not kill
you, or even have the capacity to do anything close. Here is a break down
of what makes this whole concept so laughable:
You will not be left alone with the big, bad laser-shooting machine. The entire procedure takes approximately 30 minutes. An incomplete file
would hardly be so urgent that it couldn’t wait until after your
doctor is finished with your surgery. In addition, the staff at Key Whitman
is a caring group of professionals that would not ignore a girl calling for help.
Even if you are left alone (which would never happen), the machine is not
capable of killing you. The lasers used in LASIK surgery are very specialized and programmed to
do an extremely delicate procedure. Such lasers are not capable of killing anyone.
The FDA does not list “death” as a risk. Risks of LASIK include things like dry eye, visual disturbances, and diminished
vision as you age. “The machine may go rogue and kill you”
is not anywhere on the list.
Aside from the “our LASIK won’t kill you” guarantee,
there are many other reasons to visit Key Whitman. Recognized as a leading
eye-care facility for nearly fifty years, they provide a full range of
progressive ophthalmic services, including non-deadly LASIK.